i am so so fucking lucky to be able to create to make art and exist. i see everything with beauty when i make art i know its stupid but i really am so happy im able to do this
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7:44 PM
work genuinely feels like going to sleep. its like i black out. is this normal?
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8:22 PM
i wanna dye my hair cjange my name and run away where no one knows who i am
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11:38 PM
its like i have this disgustingly beautiful thing inside me, its so beautiful i cant even fucking begin to describe how wonderful it is, it feels like home. like me. like familiarity and its fucking clawing and scratching trying to break free of my skin and be out in the world
i have so many ideas and a lot of them are still unfinished.... augh.
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2:36 AM
i should make an image page of sorts. i want to show you all my world.
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06/26/2025
11:14 PM
sharing music on the internet with ones you love is what its all about
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07/01/2025
10:07 PM
im gonna fucking sob im experincing so much sonder and loneliness i wish i was this broken as a teenager in the 2000s or thr 90s or 80s like ik its so stupid to say that like i wish i was born back then being queer but. god the media. the world. i feel so connected to it and i wish i could experince it. i think i just crave experiences. i wish i could live through every era of existence. i crave to experience all to see all to make all. i want. i crave.
nvm im okay, my friend sent me some kittens with butterfly wings. ill send electrical waves to show you all.
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11:47 PM
i gotta start making music i gotta start making music i gotta start making music i gotta start making more art. art is all i am. creation is all i am without it i am literally nothing. i fucking mean that
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11:49 PM
i havent updated in a week but it feels like its been fucking months wtf
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11:51 PM
oh and this morning i was freaking out over my cat. shes okay but shes old and little things scare me. i love her i dont know what
id do without her. Shes my guardian angel i swear!!!
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07/29/25
3:02 PM
deltarune is HARD!!!
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3:18 PM
i wish i wasnt perceived, i want to be anonymous i dont like people knowing who i am when i share my art, but i guess its inevitable considering how much of 'me' i put into my art, and i want to share my art to the world. so i just have to grow up and be vulnerable
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07/30/25
2:46 AM
i really shouldnt exist i have no clue of a fuckimg idea why im here at all, im genuinely not human, i was a being built for.sorrow and suffering and i was born evil and guilty
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08/06/25
2:50 AM
i finished deltarune and now i feel empty inside
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08/22/25
2:10 AM
placebos really work.
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08/31/25
9:34 PM
and in this moment on memorial day im once again more immersed in other peoples lives feeling the sonder rather than enjoying the firework show
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09/01/25
3:08 AM
self induced vomit
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01/29/26
5:47 PM
Hello, wow ok so much has fucking changed where do i even start? i quit my job, moved out of my brothers with a friend and now im trying to move again with that friend and move in my girfriend. and i still dont even have a job and im terrified, but im living, im moving forward. im creating and im breathing. i pray whatever my future holds will be kind, i pray to the heavens my life will have been worth it all.
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01/30/26
4:35 AM
everyday is some hellscape nightmare come true. save it for the ether.
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12:59 PM
im so unbelievably tired. i dont get it i just want things to go right, i just want to get through this. im stuck, im stuck and eventually no one will be able to save me from the waves and ill inevitably drown.
it hurts it hurts i know im trying to get everything i want right now but nothing seems to be going right, im terrified of not being able to pull this off. im scared im scared im scared
i think someone new is trying to make connections to us. i hate when this happens, the first few days are always so fuzzy. my brain is crowded enough. this place is becoming a reflection of that i think..
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8:07 PM
everything is so stagnant!!! i want to contribute, i just really really need a job....im terrified what will happen if this fails and everything turns to dust
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10:45 PM
i dont know who i am but thats not the fucking point, the point is that editing audio is stupid as fuck and i hate it
10:53 PM
i figured out a way to do what the fuck im trying to do for this fucking audio im working on but i have to jump through so many literal hoops to do what i want to do with it. its working but fuck there has to be some way to make this easier without buying a fucking program.
im falling into a dark empty pit, theres nowhere for me to hold onto anymore, every branch, every cliff side is out of reach and my hands are simply too tired. how long until i inevitably reach the bottom?
please tell me its soon ♡
2:31 AM
theres so much on my plate idont know how long ill last
no one wants to hang out with a lame 21 year old!!!!!!
4:00 AM
everyone always makes a stupid fuss when someone new like me comes around. who gives a shit im here and im not fucking leaving
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5:49 PM
realizing im not good or a perfect person is hard. everything i built myself up to be as a child was supposed to be kind. to be good. but im just not, and i know that i cant hold myself up to the status of a "good person" much longer. im mean, i make mistakes, i have evil bad thoughts. its much easier to just call yourself a being of evil, meant for destruction than to rationalize why you're not good anymore. to rationalize why youve lost your wings and have grown horns.
i have to get a good schedule in and actually fucking focus, i got shit to do!!!!!!! we cant just sit around and code all day! as much as he would like to!
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1:20 PM
im getting my own shit done around here. dont bitch at me - 2222
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1:23 PM
ok first of all!!! shhhh youre being mean! secondly i care! i care i care i care!
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1:51 PM
ok. this is getting too much like a fucking comment forum. everyone use their own diaries or whatever or like. make a page to have a conversation. im saying this on behalf of 2395. seriously whats with the number names. im the only one who decided to actually, oh i dont know, use letters? but besides their endless bickering im the only one who actually manages to get shit done around here so these two can shut up. ok. bye. this will maybe probably be the last time i ever send a connection to this page again. - D
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02/03/26
12:19 AM
does anyone remember C Students??? it held a special place in my heart as a young creative!
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12:37 PM
i really am greatful to have a place like this... its like my home. a place ive carved out just for myself. a little hole i can always come back to for comfort, a place ive made just for me. ps listen to quasi
